Funny Crap of the Day

      These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers

      in the New York City public school system. All teachers were

      reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)

      1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has

      started to dig.

      2. I would not allow this student to breed.

      3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

      4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

      5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails

      to achieve them.

      6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to

      hold it all together.

      7. This child has been working with glue too much.

      8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

      9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't

      coming.

      10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered

      twice a week.

      11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat

      out 1,000,000 others.

      12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

      These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.

      The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the

      country:

      16 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just

      went through.'

      15 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll

      stretch after you wear them a while.'

      14 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth

      certificate a worthless document.'

      13 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

      12 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the

      speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

      11 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can

      write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

      10 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think

      it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

      9 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that

      again or I'll give you another ticket. '

      8 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are

      drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

      7 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go

      to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey

      poop.'

      6 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster

      oven.'

      5 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

      4 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

      3 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're

      allowed to write as many tickets as we can.'

      2 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend

      of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

      AND THE WINNER IS....

      1 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we

      don't. Sign here.'

Crap From The Crypt

Obama’s brother lives in a Kenyan shack

20 August, 2008, 16:54

U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama’s lost brother has been tracked down in Kenya. George Hussein Onyango Obama, aged 26, was found by journalists from the Italian edition of Vanity Fair. He reportedly lives in poverty in a shack on the outskirts of Nairobi.

He has the same father as the U.S. senator, Barack Hussein Obama, but a different mother.  Her name has been given as Jael.

The youngest of Obama’s half-brothers says he lives on less than a dollar per month in a 2m x 3m shack. Its walls are decorated with posters of famous footballers and a calendar featuring exotic beaches. The magazine also noted George has a newspaper picture of his brother.

He has only met his famous brother twice. Once when he was five and then in 2006 when Senator Obama visited Nairobi. George admits their meeting was very brief and cool.

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